New Kids on the Block ***SWOON . . . SIGH***

This in no way is related to my weight loss efforts. I LOVE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!!! I have loved them since I was a mere 11 years of age. Joey McIntyre has, is and always will be my absolute favorite. Love, love, love him! They are coming to Orlando, Florida on June 21st. Tickets are available now. I want to go SO BAD! My fiance obviously won't go with me...lol. I don't have any friends, really. And I really don't want to go by myself. They are touring with 98 degrees and Boyz II Men. That will be one kick-ass show. I am trying to talk one of my former mommy group friends into going with me. I don't care who goes with me, really. I just want to go. I want to see Joey McIntyre live singing...looking hot....singing...and sing super loud to all of their songs. I really hope I get to go. I guess it is a little related to my weight loss efforts. It is about a month away and I DO NOT want to go and see NKOTB looking all fat. I totally want Joey to see me from afar and feel like he MUST talk to me. That won't happen unless I look GOOOOOD....lol. I doubt that will happen anyway, but I still want to go and pretend he is singing to me and only me!

Changing it Up a Little

I love this cartoon! It's funny because it's true. I have been exercising everyday. When I don't I actually think about it over and over again until I do. I think I actually miss it. Wait...what?! Me? Miss exercising? It can't be...oh, but it is! I have just been getting bored with the walking videos so I have been changing it up lately and doing different activities for my exercise. Plus, it keeps raining every time I even THINK about riding the bike...so I can't do that. I had to do something else. So I've been doing solo strength training exercises and I ran around with the kids too. I literally ran. I played soccer type things with my daughter and son outside and my fiance joined in the fun too. We had a blast. I will probably be doing that again soon! It really was fun. And boy was I sweaty and tired!

I really need to get motivated and do my schoolwork. It's been three weeks and I haven't even started on, much less turned in, one single task yet. I really need to get off my tushy and get it done. It's a research paper though, so I REALLY lack motivation. I wish I knew how to push myself and just get it done. I'd better figure it out soon.

Tonight I made healthy pizza. I made my own crust, thin, so not too many calories there. There was very little sauce on it. It was topped with grilled chicken, thinly sliced onions and tomatoes, cilantro and low fat cheese. It was delicious! But I don't think it agreed with me. My tummy hurts now. But I'm going to try to go to sleep and hope I feel better in the morning!

Everything's Beachy!

I hope everyone had a fabulous Memorial Day weekend! We went to the beach today and had a lot of fun! We waded in the water and collected crabs. Yes, I said crabs. Not shells. Crabs. Fiddler crabs to be exact. My daughter loves to catch them and my fiance loves to use them as bait. So we have about forty crabs in a terrarium.

We grilled food at the beach and had an overall fabulous time! I actually got a little color to my skin so I no longer look like the East Coast Ghost! Well, at least on my legs and arms anyway. No way I'm exposing more than that at the beach just yet.

I almost wish I could live at the beach. But then I think about all the storms and the flooding. I think about having sand in every crevice imaginable. Both on your person and in your house. So I think visiting is just fine. Though I wouldn't mind having a beach house just to be able to go and stay whenever I wanted to. Of course I'd have to hire someone to clean out all of the sand! Maybe someday when we are no longer "food stamps" broke. Until then our visits will be limited to weekends. But they will be fun weekends! :)

I Don't Get It

Well, I journaled my food all week. I only ate unhealthy one meal for the whole week. I exercised everyday. More than once everyday. And yet I did not lose any weight. I did not gain, but I also did not lose. I guess I just don't understand weight loss and how it works for me. My calories were always well under 2000, but never less than 1300. I did the walking video in the morning and biked every afternoon. I don't understand why I didn't have a loss. I am super disappointed. This is where I usually give up. I get discouraged because I am doing what I think I need to do, but it's not working. And I don't understand what to change, so I give up. I don't want to give up, but I don't know what to change. It's really frustrating. I don't want to do all this work and not get any results at all. I'm not asking for a huge loss or anything. Just like a pound. That's it. I just...I don't get it. :(

So Full

I am so full. I totally thought I gorged and overate. I feel so full. I went back through my food log and saw that I ate 1347 calories. That was it. I am sooooooooooo full though. I thought for sure I had eaten too many calories. I racked my brain trying to think of what I ate today. Thinking I had forgotten something for sure. I went over things in my head over and over. I didn't miss anything. I am a little shocked really. I managed to get more full on 1347 calories that I have been after eating more than double that in a day. Amazing. I thought about eating some things that I shouldn't, but I resisted. Instead of eating something sweet and sugary, I ate some fresh strawberries today. I also made a watermelon and lime slushy and it was delicious. I had banana "feaux-cream" as well. Also delicious. I am just truly amazed at how I ate so few calories, yet I totally feel like the frog in the photo. I am so full...so full...so...full...

I took a break from riding the bike today. I've ridden it everyday this week and my legs are really tired. I decided I needed to let them recoup for one day and I'll go back to riding it tomorrow. I have enjoyed riding the bike and towing the kids around. They have enjoyed it too. I think this is an activity that will stick with us! We also got to go to the beach last weekend, so we decided we will go again this weekend sometime. We are just not sure what day to go. Maybe Monday would be best? I get lots of exercise at the beach too. There is lots of swimming, running on the beach and in the water...and lots of sweating! It should be fun! I also need to look for a bike rack for my car so that we can take the bikes and the trailer to different places to bike. Some people run. I am not a runner. I am a biker.

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day three day weekend! :)

Sooooooooooooooo Tired Today

I made myself go ride the bike with the kids in the trailer today. I am ridiculously tired today. I had tummy trouble earlier today and developed a headache. Now I am super tired. I came inside from riding the bike and totally vegged out on the sofa. Soooooooooooo tired. I am totally not cooking dinner. I think we will eat out. I don't know where yet. I 'm too tired to think about it. I think if I closed my eyes right now, I would totally fall asleep in like five minutes.

On another note, I tried this "banana ice cream" I keep reading about on the internet. All the recipes that I saw called for peanut butter or nutella to add to it. I didn't want to add a whole lot of calories, so I just added about three tablespoons of milk to it. I froze some bananas the other day. I took one out and put it in the Ninja with the milk. I blended it up until it was a creamy consistency. I ate it. It was delish. It was the consistency of ice cream and the taste of bananas. Yummy. I will definitely make that again! Now back to being tired...

Keeping It Going

So, this is week number two of me exercising everyday. I am very proud of myself for keeping this going.

I love the quote in the photo on the left here. "You won't see results overnight." I really have to remember that sometimes and stop looking for instant results. That is usually what has made me quit exercising in the past. I never saw results fast enough to satisfy me. Although, who loses 20 pounds overnight by exercising for one hour and then eating a McDonald's Value Meal right after? LOL "But things are changing. Just wait." That is the powerful part of this quote. Things are changing. The scale is changing, albeit slowly. The way my clothes fit is changing. My way of eating and the foods that I am going for is changing. It is actually becoming a lifestyle for me. That has been the biggest change. It was never a lifestyle before...it was a chore. It was something I was forcing myself to do. Now, I sometimes have to make myself get up and do that one mile walk video in the morning, but I do it. And I'm usually glad I did. Before if I had a craving for something sweet, I would reach for snack cakes, ice creams, etc. Now when I want something sweet I usually reach for fruit. A banana cut up and microwaved has become my favorite sweet snack. So yummy! I have frozen watermelon and frozen banana in the freezer to make smoothies and mock ice cream. Delicious! They have strawberries on sale this week for $1.00 per package (around 2 pints), so I am stocking up and freezing some strawberries. I used up all my other frozen ones. I am glad that these changes are happening. It gives me hope that I can keep this up for good this time. Today I am going to contact my sister (she lives several states away) and see if she wants to do this with me. We can keep each other updated and more accountable. Not to mention, we could give each other healthy recipes that we have tried. We are so different that I am sure that we both can introduce one another to lots of new things! We'll see if she goes for it.

Awesome Smoothie Recipes

I can't take credit for these recipes. I found them at this website: http://www.superskinnyme.com/smoothie-recipes.html. I just really wanted to post them here as well because that way I always have them should they not be on that website anymore. So here they are.

PRE-WORKOUT SMOOTHIE

• ½ cup frozen strawberries/ blueberries/ mixed berries
• ½ banana
• ½ cup low-fat Greek yogurt
• ¼ cup milk (skim/ almond/ soy) – enough to get your preferred consistency
• Ice cubes

POST WORKOUT SMOOTHIE

• 1 dash of cinnamon (helps regulate and keep blood sugar levels steady)
• 1 Tbsp natural peanut butter (or almond butter)
• 1 medium banana (preferably frozen for extra creaminess)
• 1/3 cup low-fat vanilla yogurt
• 1/2 cup almond milk
• 1 cup ice 

MUSCLE BUILDER

• 1 scoop chocolate whey protein
• 8 oz. low-fat chocolate milk
• 1 medium banana (frozen)
• Ice

WEIGHT LOSS SMOOTHIE

• 1 tablespoon chia seeds
• 1 scoop whey protein powder
• ½ medium banana
• 1 cup frozen mixed berries
• ¾ cup milk (skim/ almond/ soy)
• 3 to 5 ice cubes

BELLY BUSTER

• 1 Tbsp cold-pressed organic flaxseed oil (MUFA)
• 1 cup frozen unsweetened blueberries
• 3/4 cup milk (skim/ almond/ soy)
• 1/4 cup low-fat Greek yogurt

There are more on the website. This was a really good site. The photo has every recipe listed. There are 18!!!

Fast Food Meals Under 500 Calories

This was a challenge. I did it while I was procrastinating on other things, though. So at least I did that....lol.

I did six fast food chains that are near me and came up with full meals that are under 500 calories for the whole meal. It was pretty interesting to see who had the best meal montage. All meals would be served with either unsweetened tea, diet soda or iced water. I think I like Steak 'n' Shake or Dairy Queen the best. But that's just my opinion.

Here are the results:

1) STEAK 'N' SHAKE (335 cal.)
    Cup of Veggie Soup (60 cal.)
    Mandarin Oranges (60 cal.)
    Applesauce (90 cal.)
    Small Garden Salad (45 cal.)
    Zesty Italian or Lite Ranch Dressing (80 cal.)

2) TACO BELL (460 cal.)
    Border Sauce (0 cal.)
    Fresco Crunchy Beef Taco (140 cal.)
    Fresco Chicken Soft Taco (150 cal.)
    Cinnamon Twists (170 cal.)

3) McDONALD'S (405 cal.)
    Premium Caesar Salad w/Grilled Chicken (190 cal.)
    Low Fat Italian Dressing (50 cal.)
    Apple Slices (15 cal.)
    Fruit & Yogurt Parfait (150 cal.)

4) BURGER KING (450 cal.)
    Side Garden Salad w/Avacado Ranch Dressing (230 cal.)
    4 piece Chicken Nuggets (190 cal.)
    Apple Slices (30 cal.)

5) WENDY'S (480 cal.)
    Grilled Chicken Go Wrap (260 cal.)
    Small Chili (180 cal.)
    Apple Slices (40 cal.)

6) DAIRY QUEEN (450 cal.)
    Kid's Turkey Wrap (260 cal.)
    Side Salad (25 cal.)
    Fat Free Italian (25 cal.)
    Applesauce (80 cal.)
    Fudge Bar or Vanilla Orange Bar (60 cal.)

I should print this out so I know what to order when I end up at a fast food chain!

I Put the "Pro" in Procrastinate!

I really do. I am procrastinating right now as I am blogging about procrastination. I need to fold laundry, do a load of laundry, do dishes, clean the living room, clean the kid's room, clean our bedroom and clean the bathrooms. I also need to chop up my produce to go in the freezer, vacuum the floors and sweep the floors. However, I am procrastinating and blogging instead! I already procrastinated and came up with a list of meals that I can have at the fast food restaurants without having an enormous amount of calories. So, I was sort of productive while I was procrastinating. In fact, I'll probably write a blog about the fast food menus after this one. You know, just to procrastinate a little bit more. This has been sort of productive, however. I wrote a to-do list while I was writing this procrastinating blog. I have always been a procrastinator. As long as I can remember I have always said, "I'll do it tomorrow." As a kid, I remember saying that a lot. My mom would tell me to clean my room. Sure, Mom, right after I finish playing with all the cool stuff in here. As a matter of fact, I better wait until tomorrow because it will take me that long to finish playing. Even consequences to my procrastination didn't phase me until I was older. When I came home from school with my sister, we totally procrastinated on our chores until around 5:00 pm. We knew our mom would be home around 5:30, so we rushed around at 5:05 to try to get all of our chores done before she got there. It was like a race. We usually made it. Every once in a while my dad would come home early and we wouldn't have started yet. Then we would run and do as much as we could in the 4 minutes it took him to come inside. He didn't say much as long as we were doing it when he came in. I bet there are a lot of other people out there right now, procrastinating in cyber space. They are avoiding doing housework, school work, or even their job right now. Procrastination is a disease, I tell you. We need medication...oh and another person who is not a procrastinator to help us. It would be just like assisted living. Assisted Living for Procrastinators...someone needs to do this. They would make a killing. I would...but you know...

Prayers and Thoughts Go Out

I was watching television, just flipping through channels yesterday evening, when I came across the news broadcast reporting on the tornado outbreak in Oklahoma. I couldn't help but watch and feel helpless. I mean, look at that photo. The path of destruction was immense. It included two elementary schools and a hospital. I hate the fact that we have hurricanes here in Florida, but I would not want to have tornadoes. Those poor people had sixteen minutes to find shelter and get ready to brace themselves. With a hurricane, we can get the heck out of town before it hits. We have days to get prepared. Sixteen minutes? I cannot imagine the terror these people felt knowing they could not escape its path as it bared down on them. I always feel horrible when bad things happen to people, especially when they do not survive it. Something in my soul hurts. I just feel overwhelmed with sorrow and I feel bad that I can't go help them. However, whenever there are children involved that do not survive, I feel way worse. I can't imagine how scared they were as that tornado tore their school up while they were in it. It is reported that some that did not survive actually drowned under the rubble. That is not a peaceful death. It is filled with horror and terror and knowing that you are going to die. I just feel such a huge hole in my soul. I feel horrible for their families. There was also a mother and infant at a gas station that also perished. I hurt for that too. I hurt for all of the victims. The ones that did not make it, the ones that did, the ones who lost everything and can do nothing about it. I pray that God helps them all. Nothing can replace what they have lost. Only time can even begin to heal the wounds they have suffered, physical or otherwise. I hope that everyone takes a few moments today to think of these people. Think about your lives and what you have. The problems that we all think are insurmountable, are really nothing in comparison. We can overcome those easily if we just try. Be thankful today for your life and your family. Be grateful for what you have. It could all be ripped away instantly. I am going to hug my kids more today and tell them I love them. I am going to tell my fiance that I love him and appreciate him. As I write this, I can't help but cry a little. I am shedding tears of sadness for those victims in Oklahoma, and I am also shedding tears of joy that I have all that I have. Even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. I may not have a lot of money, but I do have my kids and a man that loves me. I have my parents and sister and family that cares about me. Today, I am grateful.

Monday Again

Well, it's Monday again. It's barely 7 am, and I'm already sweating. I hate that the weekend is over already, but that just means that another week is here for me to eat healthier and exercise. I lost one pound last week, which is awesome! Let's see what I can do this week.

I am actually looking forward to doing somethings this week. For example, I'm really looking forward to riding the new bike this week. The kids are excited to be riding in the kiddie trailer in the back too. I can honestly say that I will most likely be riding them around everyday. I am also still doing my walking videos as well. I am going to try to bump it up to the two mile walk this week. After actually wearing my swimsuit top in public yesterday, I am feeling extra motivated to get in better shape.

I have a ton of cleaning, laundry and dishes to do today. We also have to clean out the truck from the beach yesterday and clean off the patio. I'm also going to clean up the bike and trailer today. I need to finish my menu planning for this week as well. I also have some schoolwork I need to get busy doing as well. I may need to plan out a schedule for myself today so that I can get all of this done! Busy, busy, busy today!

Ah . . . The Beach and then EEEEEK - a Spider!

Well, after my bike ride (which was an awesome workout!) we went to the beach to hang out and play! We all had a great time. The kids played in the sand and the water...so did I! They caught fiddler crabs and hermit crabs. The found awesome shells. Josh threw rocks for the longest time ever! We waded in the water, sat in the water and just generally had a good time in the water. We all got lots of sun and had fun trying to catch blue crabs. We caught two, but ended up giving them away to a couple of ladies who were trying, very unsuccessfully, to catch enough food for their dinner tonight. Then the kids and I sat in the sand on the beach and just relaxed while their dad fired up the grill and cooked some hamburgers for our dinner. We had watermelon and banana to go with our burgers. We then cleaned up and packed up and headed home. What a great day! I wish everyday were this relaxing and fun. Tomorrow I have loads to do cleaning up! I have to get all of the sand out of the truck and wash all of our beach clothes and swim suits. I also have my regular cleaning, cooking and laundry to do as well as cleaning up the bike and trailer. We also have to clean off the patio so we can store the bike and trailer. Right now it's sitting in my living room!

We also had a very creepy visitor this evening. He was large and brown and fuzzy and gross. It was a huge spider. My fiance said, "Oh, it's just a wolf spider." I said, "I don't care what kind of spider it is...it needs to be a dead spider!" I mean, really?! Does any part of WOLF SPIDER sound innocent to anyone out there? It sounds particularly heinous to me. I don't know if I'll sleep well. I still feel like his friends might be in here somewhere. I'll probably have nightmares about it. Yikes!

I Got a Bike!

My fiance got a bike and trailer similar to the one in the picture for $15.00!!! We took it for a ride around our apartment complex. I rode it around the complex four times! I definitely got some exercise in today! I am super excited about it. The bike is an older one and needs some cosmetic help, but it rides great and works perfectly. I'm about to start shining up the rims with some steel wool in a few minutes. My plan is to clean it up as best I can, and then possibly spray paint it either white or black. I'm not sure which yet. I also need to get some new foam handle covers. These are a bit old and falling apart. The bike trailer for the kids is perfect! It has harnesses for both kids and a bug guard and shade as well. It was super easy to put on the bike and rode well. The kids absolutely loved it! They sat in there and read books and, as my daughter put it, "just chilled." If I do that everyday plus the walking videos, I should be fit in no time! We are also going to beach today to play in the sun, sand and water. I'm excited to go! The kids are ready to go play at the beach too! As a matter of fact, I'm going to go now and start cleaning my bike, and then once my son wakes up from his nap...on to the beach!!! Hope everyone has an awesome Sunday!

Proud . . .

I am totally proud of myself for doing what I have done this week. I wish every week were this good and this positive. I started out the week pretty bad, but was determined not to let mother nature or my own self-defeating nature get the best of me. And I did it. I just did my second walking video today for the THIRD day in a row. I am sweating like a pig and super excited that I am doing this! I accomplished a lot of what I had set out to do this week. I have been eating better. I have had a few slip ups this week, and blamed it on hormones, but it was really just me. But I've done much better the end of the week. Today I did eat fried green tomatoes...mostly because they were stupendously delicious! But I am not going to do that everyday. I starting my meal planning for the upcoming week. It's looking good so far. I've even planned out some lunches for the fiance to take to work. I'm still working on dinners, but that is a little more complicated than breakfast and lunch.

I did have super productive day today. I cut up and stewed tomatoes to go in the freezer. I cut up bell peppers and shucked corn for the freezer too. I have some more bell peppers to do tomorrow. I cut up zucchini, tomatoes and cucumbers for the fridge. I cleaned out the fridge! I had a super healthy lunch of grilled chicken and broiled zucchini with Parmesan cheese. I drank my water for the day. I will probably drink more after this blog...I'm really thirsty and sweaty. I got the apartment cleaned and dishes done. And I did my exercise twice today! Whew! Oh...and I made my own applesauce. It is sooooooooooooo delicious! Way better than any store bought! I am about to go take a shower and get this sweat off of me...I do not like sweat. I will weigh in tomorrow morning and hope I have a loss...or at least a maintain. NO GAINS. :-)

TGIF People!!!

Whew! Yup, what a week! I am glad it is Friday. It is the end of my time of the month...(thank goodness) and my cold seems to be waning off too. Now all I have is an annoying slightly runny nose.

I have a few things to do today since I did shop for produce yesterday. My fiance's father also gave us a large bag of tomatoes, both red and a couple green. So I have onions, bell peppers, cucumbers, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, and corn on the cob to cut up, blanch and/or freeze and store for future use. I also need to do some major meal planning for the next week and use the foods I have here at home and not buy ANY groceries until next weekend at least. I know it can be done. I've done it before. Then I have a budget of around $50 per week for the rest of May for groceries for our family of four. It will be a challenge, but I can do it. AND we can eat fairly healthy too! :)

I have already done my one mile walking video this morning. (5 day streak...whoo hoo!) I will once again try to do it this evening as well. Doing it twice a day should get me great results, right? Plus I am going to try to do the "Pomroy" way of eating. It rotates on a seven day schedule and the goal of it is to stimulate certain glands with specific foods for ultimate fat burning capability. We'll see if it's a doable plan and if it gets any better results than any other way of healthy eating I've tried. I must clean the refrigerator out today to make room for my new produce. It should be a very productive day. :)

Sweat is Fat Crying

I certainly want to believe that. If it is true, my fat is crying hard this morning. I can't stop sweating! I got up and got my exercise on this morning. I finished the video fifteen minutes ago, but I'm still sweating profusely. Perhaps my fat is in extra pain and just can't stop crying this morning. Fine by me! Well, sort of. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know sweat is good and it means I worked enough to sweat. However, I do not like sweat. It feels gross and makes me stink. I already put deodorant like three times! But anyway, I digress. Back to the exercising, enough of the sweating. I did the walk video twice yesterday! I actually did it twice! I kept saying I was going to do it, but never did. I actually did it! Whew! And I am on day four of my exercise streak. I'm proud of myself for that. Four days doesn't seem like much, but it is for me. I keep skipping a day here or there and making an excuse for it, but I hope to keep it going for a long time this time.

Now that I am getting my exercise game going, I need to reign in the eating issue. That time of the month is almost over (thank God!) and hopefully this cold I've been suffering with will leave with it. Then I can get back to feeling 100% again. Though I am proud of myself in that respect. I have felt like total crap and I totally could have used that as a pretty good excuse for not exercising, but I didn't. I think the exercising did make me feel better in the long run. If I can keep the exercise going when I feel like death warmed over, than I shouldn't have a problem with it when I'm feeling like myself again. Now the eating, however, I have totally used my out of whack hormones to justify eating like crap. I've got to stop that. Today my family is having cheeseburgers and fries for dinner. They are homemade and not fast food, however. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet as far as my meal goes. I could have one burger and keep it simple, little or no mayo, fat free cheese and lots of veggies on it; or I could forgo the bun and have a burger salad. I am baking the french fries in the oven, so those won't be too bad to partake in as long as I don't over do it. Today I am also going to hit up a couple of stores that are having really cheap produce on sale right now and get some to eat this week and next, as well as cutting some up and freezing it. I am also taking advantage of my son being at his grandpa's today and trying to do some future meal planning to save some money and some calories.

Also, as far as my list of things to do went yesterday, I updated it as I got things done. So, I got quite a bit done off of my list! Go me! I'm putting a list on the bottom of this post as well. It seemed to help motivate me to do it once I had posted it to the internet.

1) Shop for produce - done
2) Clean apartment (it's an everyday thing with two kids!) - done
3) Call school for Lacey's kindergarten
4) Pick up package for Tom at his sister's house - done
5) Clean out fridge (will have to for new produce...lots of old leftovers)

Good Morning!

I woke up today feeling like death. Head stopped up with sinuses overflowing. Stomach cramps and a backache again (that will probably stick around for a couple more days....boooooo). Despite my pitiful state upon awakening, I resolved not to let it kill my day. I got myself up, got dressed and got a cup of 50 calorie cappuccino. Downed that and turned on VH1 for music motivation. Once I was moving a bit, I turned on the one mile walk with Leslie Sansone. It was a new one and she has like jogging at the end of the mile for a calorie boost. It was good for me. After the video I drank my water with vitamin C powder (trying to help my immune system) and took all my vitamins and such. I feel a lot better than I did when I first woke up. My head is still stopped up and my nose is running, but I don't think exercise cures that! I will not get down today. I will do my best today. I will try to get everything done that I set out to do today, or at least get a heck of a start! As a matter of fact, I am including my to do list at the bottom of this blog so that I can come back and be accountable and put down in words what I did and did not get accomplished, and why I didn't get it done, if that was the case. So Good Morning Everyone! Have a Great Day!
To Do List: May 14, 2013
1) Clean apartment - All done
2) Do dishes - done
3) Plan dinner & take out items to defrost - done
4) Write Topic/Thesis for research paper and email to course mentor for approval - done
5) Call father in law to babysit Josh tomorrow - done
6) Call elementary school about Lacey starting kindergarten
7) Do one mile walk video one more time today - done
8) Have the kids and I drink more water today
9) Clean out fridge (this is ambitious!)

Mother Nature is Total B!!!

Every stinking month when I have that lovely "time of the month" when you feel like crap anyway, I also get sick. As soon as I start with the full blown symptoms and side effects of that, my immune system totally does a nose dive and I catch any and every type of illness that comes within a hundred yards of me. I was getting a runny nose and I knew it was coming. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to try not to get sick. Now I have a runny nose that burns on one side, stopped up on the other side, a sore throat, slight cough, severe stomach cramps, intense back pain, mild headache and generally feel very grumpy. Today is going to suck. I'm still about to attempt to do the one mile walk video because I read somewhere that exercising can help the stomach cramps and back pain. We will see if it does. I need something to pep me up and help get rid of this negative vibe I've got going on. I feel like if I talk to anyone today I will probably bite their head off at the slightest inkling of annoyance. I really need some positive energy. I'll try to muster some up, even though I just feel like sinking down into my sofa with a sweatsuit, some coffee and the remote. I hope my day gets better and I hope that everyone else's day is super positive!

Back to Reality

I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day! I had a very lazy one! But I did enjoy spending time with my family without being on a schedule. However, I did eat way too much yesterday. We went to Golden Corral for breakfast. We were so full that we opted to skip lunch. We came home and took naps and I got to sit on the sofa while everyone was still napping and read three entire magazines! It was awesome. I love reading magazines, but I never get a chance with all the busy-ness during the week. After everyone was up, my fiance took the kids to the park so that I could log on and do my research paper writing webinar. Fun, huh? And on Mother's Day too! Once I was finished, I joined them at the park for a bit and then we came back, got cleaned up and went out to eat again! This time it was CiCi's Pizza. It was not too busy and very cheap. Then we came back home and kids got a bath, then we went to bed. It was a pretty good day. I hope everyone's day was as fun as they wanted it to be.

So now it's Monday and it's back to reality. Since I opted not to clean up yesterday, the house is a mess and I've got to get control of that today. Dishes must be done and floors must be vacuumed. Ah, back to being a normal mom again. I did get up today and do the one mile walk again from Leslie Sansone. Definitely got my heart rate up. The fact that the one mile walks are only 11-15 minutes, depending on which one you do, really helps get me motivated to do it. I feel like this is something I can actually do a couple times a day. I will probably try to read my magazines again today. Some of them had some super good information in them about premenopause, hormonal imbalances and natural ways to try to shift them to see if that is your problem. I may have some sort of hormonal issue, so I might try them out if they are not too expensive. Someone had left the newest issue of Good Housekeeping on the trash can outside, so I grabbed it yesterday. It was a pretty good issue and it has tons of awesome recipes for lower calorie meals. Of course they look delicious in the magazine, but we'll see if they look and taste so delicious when I make them! Well, it is time to get the kiddos up soon. I hope everyone has a great day!

Walk Before You Run

So I skipped out on the exercise streak for two days. I got back on track today and did a walking video from Leslie Sansone. I did the one mile video. I will try to do more later tonight. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I thought, hey, it's walking...how hard can it be? Leslie Sansone adds moves in that are a little harder than walking, but not ridiculous. However, when you repeat that action over and over again, it gets pretty tiring. Your muscles start to burn a little. I will say that I am glad I found those videos. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I'm always trying to do ridiculously hard workout videos and then totally giving up after ten minutes because it's just too hard. I try, I suck at it, and I get discouraged. I've got to learn to walk before I run...literally. I hate to say it, but I am in no shape to be doing any serious exercise just yet. These walking videos are more my speed. I might actually stick with it because it doesn't seem so impossible. I need to apply this to my life in general. I do always try to do way too much in general, and then when I can't handle to tasks of superwoman, I get discouraged and quit all together and feel like a failure. I need to break this cycle, or I will never succeed. Walk first...then run...then fly!

Healthy Eating or Exercise?

It seems like I either exercise or I eat healthy. I can't seem to do both with any sort of consistency. Take today for example. I had a small bowl of cereal and a 50 calorie cappuccino for breakfast. Good so far. Then I had a banana for a snack. Still good. I did my exercise this morning. Check mark for that. Then at lunch I had a grilled chicken wrap with lettuce, cheese and sweet chili sauce. That was okay. Not terrible. Then my son grabbed a package of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes and wanted to open them. Of course there are two in a package, so I ate one. Bad girl! Okay, I can do better from this point on right? Not so much. So then I pick up my daughter from school and my fiance calls me and needs me to come over to his workplace so we can take care of some issue that we have with the car we had in the shop being worked on. So, the kids are hungry by now, and I stop to get gas and get them some snacks in the convenience store. They get white cheddar popcorn and juices. I got a diet soda. But then I saw it...Buffalo Blue Cheese Doritos...OMG. Could not resist. I got them and I ate them all. Then we get home and I have to throw together a super fast dinner. We had chicken nuggets, french fries and macaroni & cheese. At least the nuggets and fries were baked, but still. Oh, and I put my nuggets in a wrap and added sweet chili sauce. So many calories by adding that to it. So, I got in my exercise, but didn't eat all that healthy. I also seem to start the day out well. I eat a normal breakfast and snack and get in my exercise, and then it goes to pot. But there is always tomorrow to try again, right? How many times do you have to start over on a new habit to get it right? The world may never know....

About Yesterday . . .

Well, I almost failed at the exercise streak challenge on day one. LOL...sad huh? Just as I was preparing dinner, my fiance's father stopped by last night. It was a nice surprise visit, and the kids love having him around. However, it was after 8 o'clock by the time he went home. So I had to hurry and get the kids ready for bed. They had to clean up all their toys before they went to bed, so I finally got them all settled in around 9 o'clock. (I started a new rule that if you don't put it up before you go to bed, then it must be trash...and gets thrown away. Seems cruel, but its very effective.) Then I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. All said and done, I was finished cleaning and everyone was settled by 9:30 pm. My fiance was playing a video game, so I put in my headphones and started up my MP3 player. My intention was to study for one hour and then try to get in some sort of exercise since I didn't do it earlier. Well, my modules that I was studying for my research paper course took more like over an hour and a half to get through. So it was 11:15 pm when I finished that. I was thinking, "Oh, it's too late to exercise now. I'm tired. I just want to sleep." I got up to check on the kids and the clock said 11:20 pm when I came through the living room. Well, you know what I did? I sucked it up and did 10 minutes of exercise in the partial darkness of my living room at 11:20 pm at night. That's what I did. I was super proud of myself for sucking it up and doing it. I really did not want to report that I had not done exercise the very first day of the streak challenge! So, I did it. Yay, me!

On another note, I wrote about finishing my school work that I had procrastinated so long on a couple days ago. The school work was a couple of essays that I just did not feel like writing. Anyway, I turned them in and they already got graded and sent back to me. I passed both of them! Whoo hoo! And one of them even had a comment on it where the evaluator had written, "Excellent work!" Wow. I am so proud and super happy that I have one more class under my belt. :)

Totally Knocked It Out!

I just gotta give myself props for sucking it up and working on my assignments that I had been procrastinating on. I totally knocked it out. I feel pretty confident that I will pass them this time. I was totally more focused and just made a great effort. I feel so much better now that I don't have that hanging over my head anymore. Whew! What a relief! Now I have nothing to beat myself up over either! Whoo hoo! I'm totally jamming to my music on my MP3 player (outdated, I know...lol) and I am thinking of doing a victory dance. Now if I can just bring this feeling over to exercising and eating better than I will do great! :) Super Happy right now! Go me! :D

Trying To Give Myself a Kick in the A**!

This is totally what I need right now. I think I am over the binge I was on, I'm just being stubborn and lazy about starting again. So I'm trying to give myself a swift kick in the a**. I have requested that Tobey put me on the Cat vs. Dog exercise streak challenge for the May 6th through June 2nd time. I don't know if I'll be very good at it. I don't have much confidence in myself right now, so I have pretty much already told myself that I will fail before I have even begun. That is typical Debra. I'm defeated before I have even started. I'm trying not to give in to that, but it is my usual thing, so it's hard to resist. I am my own worst enemy. Nobody else has to beat me down because I do it to myself worse than anyone else can. However, if anyone else gets down on me and criticizes me, then that just fuels my negative self-talk ten fold. I have no idea how to combat that or how to stop that. That is what usually triggers my binges. The self-negativity makes me feel so bad that the only way I know to make myself temporarily feel better is to eat all of that negativity. Unfortunately we all know what happens when we are done eating and the good feeling is gone. Then the bad feelings and negative self-talk starts again to giving in to the binge and then the cycle starts all over again. the most frustrating part of it is being smart enough to know what is going on, but not smart enough to be able to stop it.

But anyway, I digress. I will try to talk about things that are more lighthearted and not so dark all the time. I am essentially starting over where I was about a month ago. I do have 2-3 pounds gone that haven't come back despite the binge of last week. So that is definitely a plus. Hopefully I can get it back together and have a loss this week. I am definitely going to try to put some exercise in everyday for the streak challenge. I also really need to do my school work I've been procrastinating on. I believe this will help me a lot too. As part of what I am getting so down on myself about is the school work. I've got to get this done. As a matter of fact, I think I will go try to do it now. :)

I Think I Might Be Over the Hump

This is what I feel like right now...

Okay, well after a week long food bender, I think I am finally coming up over the hump. The only thing that is super unhealthy that is left in my house to eat is tortilla chips with spicy queso dip. And I must admit, I will finish those today. Sad, and embarrassing, but writing about it does make me feel better. I can't talk to my fiance' about anything like this because he just throws it back in my face when we have a fight. I once told him that I used to eat spoonfuls of sugar to satisfy the craving, and when we fought, he totally said, "At least I don't eat spoonfuls of sugar like a crack head." Yeah that helps me. So blogging is the only way I get to talk about stuff. I have a couple of friends, but talking is few and far between and I feel like they just wouldn't understand. So my blog is my friend, I guess. I think it did kind of serve as a small therapy for me. Not enough to make me kick addiction's butt, but enough to make me realize what is going on with me. I don't know if I will ever get a grip on my food addiction. I may continue to diet and then have week long benders when problems arise. Maybe someday I'll figure out another way to "escape" or just to deal with my issues head on. I don't know. I can't even begin to speculate on what the future holds with an addiction. I kind of wish I was addicted to crack or cocaine or something that I could just quit. I feel kind of hopeless to beat it. However, I am getting very tired of my stomach cramping and gurgling and having to rush to the bathroom because of the foods that I am eating. Some of the things I have eaten are completely terrible and slightly revolting, but my brain thought of them, not because they taste so wonderful (some did though), but because they satisfy that craving to just temporarily escape my world of disappointments and failures and just feel good for one moment. Sugar and butter creamed together seem to do the trick the best (gross, huh?). I have yet to find anything that replaces that high for me or even comes close. Once the chips and dip are gone, I think I can start to ease my way back into better eating. We'll see about the exercise.

I Think I Have a Problem

This is me....a food addict, I think.

Well, after talking to a friend of mine about my week and what was going on with me, she had a suggestion. She suggested that I could possibly have a food addiction. I did some research on it this evening, and took several quizzes from several websites on the topic. Well, since I scored 90% or better on every single quiz, then I would say that I am a food addict. It is apparently just like being addicted to drugs or alcohol. The more I read about it, the more it sounds just like me. It makes sense. I experienced a set back with the weight loss, I've been putting off school work and getting down on myself for it and I've been feeling a little isolated in my relationship (though I admit I've been causing that myself too). When I experience a set back, then I go for the "drugs" to escape from it. I eat to quash the feelings of inadequacy, of sadness and disappointment. And just like a drug, once I'm done eating the food, the good feelings are gone and I'm once again putting myself down for eating it and still bashing myself and feeling inadequate, sad and disappointed. Therefore, I need more food to get that good feeling again. I'm like a crack addict. I need that high every half hour to feel better. Otherwise, I just crumble under the weight of my own feelings and self-loathing. That is exactly why I can do a diet and exercise program for a few weeks, do pretty good and as soon as I have a set back, I give up and I give in. I gorge myself on junk food and things that I can eat easily that satisfy that high. I binge eat. I am in the middle of a binge right now. I can't stop. I have been eating all day today. Even though it causes me emotional, physical and psychological pain, I just can't stop. My digestive tract is in total chaos right now. It just doesn't know what to do with the junk I've been eating, so it just expels it the best, fastest way it knows how. And despite this, I just don't know how to beat it. I've been researching that too, but haven't found a real answer yet. One thing I do know is that I am not just weak. I am not just lacking in willpower. At least I can stop telling myself that I just suck as far as that goes. Another thing that I noticed that a lot of the websites say is that there is no way that you can beat this alone. Just like a crack addict cannot stop without help, neither can a food addict. I cannot afford professional help, so the best thing I can do is to find another person that is dealing with food addiction too. Preferably someone that has gotten a hold on it so that they can share with me some tips and strategies on how to cope with it. The biggest problem that food addiction has over drug addiction is that you cannot live without food, but you can live without drugs. That makes food addiction the hardest addiction to overcome out of all addictions. Imagine if you were an alcoholic, yet you had to drink a shot of whiskey everyday to survive? How well would you do trying to quit?

Serious Case of the Lazies and the I Don't Want To's

Matter of fact, I almost didn't write this blog today...

I have a really bad case of the lazies and the I don't want to's, or more aptly, the I don't feel like it's. I don't know what is up with me. I am even procrastinating on my school work as well. I have been actively avoiding it. All I can think about is food and what I wish I was eating. I bought/ate some things that I know I shouldn't. Such as tortilla chips and cheese dip, ice cream sandwiches, sweet honey crackers, etc. Even though I am suffering with my dilapidated digestive tract, I still keep eating those things. I did get the ice cream sandwiches that were no sugar added and 97% fat free, so that's something at least. I read other people's blogs and read about successes on BuddySlim and think that I want to get back into it, yet I can't bring myself to get off the sofa. I think about how miserable I am dieting and how much I hate exercising and then I feel overwhelmed with it all. Especially the part where I don't see what I would call real results. I want awesome results, like losing 5+ pounds in a week. That would be great, but that doesn't happen. Unfortunately I am just not in that place where I am willing to do the work. I know that I have not put in 100% at any time while I was trying to lose weight. I am frustrated with myself for that and for not getting the results that I wanted, even though I didn't commit 100%. I know that logically doesn't make sense, but...well...I dunno. I guess I want to draw blood from a turnip and am getting upset when I can't. I just wish it was easier. I hate that it is so hard and makes me so unhappy to try to lose weight and also makes me unhappy to be fat. It makes no sense, I know. But that is how I feel.

I Kind of Gave up Today . . . but My Body is Mad at Me

It really does right now.

Well, I just totally gave up today, I think. I did not exercise at all. Though I did go through all the kids crafts, coloring books and toys in the living room and organize them and rearrange the living room. I don't know if that counts though. It was time consuming, but not physically taxing. I ate cookies. Delicious yummy sugar cookies. I'm not even sure how many I ate. I had pancakes for breakfast for the first time in months. Delicious. I had a Sweet Chili Sauce Grilled Chicken wrap from McDonald's for lunch. Not sure really how bad that was for me, but I'm sure that at the very least the tortilla and sauce were not low cal. For dinner I had fettuccine alfredo with sausage and shrimp. It was also delicious. However, my body has been mad at me all day. While my  taste buds were having an awesome day today, my stomach and intestines were not. This next part may be tmi for some people, so don't read on if you don't want to. Anyway, I have had the most horrible stomach pains and watery upset stomach all day. As a matter of fact, it is now 11:00 pm and it is still going on. Even though I am totally discouraged and just want to say "screw it all", my body is not letting me. It is obviously very angry with my food choices today. I don't know. I'm very torn. I haven't talked to my fiance yet about it because he was super tired today and went to bed early. However, he saw me eating dinner and he did not say a word about me eating what I ate. I don't know if he just doesn't notice/care or if he just didn't want to criticize me or hurt my feelings. Maybe I'll ask him about that tomorrow. I do have some daunting tasks tomorrow. I should have worked on my schoolwork tonight, but I procrastinated. I need to rearrange my kids' room tomorrow. I am going to change my son from a crib to a toddler bed. I hope he transitions well. I have to go through their toys too and I have to do that while my daughter is at school. She won't let me throw anything away or give anything away! Hopefully I can get that done and they will have more room. Well, I need to get to bed so I can get up on time tomorrow. I have overslept everyday this week so far! Ugh...good night all.