I've Got to Get Serious . . . and Not Just for Me

Today my fiance said that our daughter is filling out. He also stated that at the rate she was going that she would be chunky by the age of ten. I was super mad. I mean, how dare he judge her already? She is almost five years old. That's it. And he had doomed her. And he said it in front of her which made me more irate and once she had gone back to her room to play, an argument ensued. I told him that he would damage her self-esteem and self-worth my dooming her to be overweight before it even happened. He pointed out to me that she only wants to eat junk food, chocolate and candies and likes to eat late at night. He also pointed out that she doesn't get much exercise unless he takes the kids to the playground to run around. And I got quiet. Oh, I was still angry, but I was also thinking. I was having a revelation. My kids are doomed to be unhealthy because of us. Mostly because of me because I am the one person they are with for the majority of every day. I don't take them out to exercise. It's hot, I'm tired, I've got schoolwork...and a whole myriad of excuses that I've made up so that we stay inside. We are both guilty of buying them junk food to eat. Just yesterday he came home with two king size Reese's candy bar stick things. Honestly, I ended up eating about 1/3 of each of them. We also don't have them drink water. The majority of the time they are drinking juice or soda...and milk too. I am setting a horrible example for my kids to follow. I don't exercise. I don't eat right. I am an emotional eater, so when I get upset I want to eat. Right now I keep thinking of the orange sherbet ice cream in the freezer and how I want to get up right now and get some in a bowl with milk and devour it. I'm not teaching them coping mechanisms because I don't have any myself...other than eating the distress away. No wonder they have a hard time dealing with disappointment and other issues. I have a hard time and I'm not teaching them how to cope. I am damning my own children! This is so upsetting to me. I have got to change. I've got to get serious about my health and include my children in that. I do not want my children to live the same fate that I have lived. I do not want them to feel less than. I have felt less than all my life. I do not want them to live with that because I didn't want to get off my lazy ass and be healthier and help make my family healthier. I am getting down on myself so hard about this that I so want to eat!!! I am fighting it. Step number one, I guess. I just love them so much and I want the best for them. I have to be the best for them.