Trying To Give Myself a Kick in the A**!

This is totally what I need right now. I think I am over the binge I was on, I'm just being stubborn and lazy about starting again. So I'm trying to give myself a swift kick in the a**. I have requested that Tobey put me on the Cat vs. Dog exercise streak challenge for the May 6th through June 2nd time. I don't know if I'll be very good at it. I don't have much confidence in myself right now, so I have pretty much already told myself that I will fail before I have even begun. That is typical Debra. I'm defeated before I have even started. I'm trying not to give in to that, but it is my usual thing, so it's hard to resist. I am my own worst enemy. Nobody else has to beat me down because I do it to myself worse than anyone else can. However, if anyone else gets down on me and criticizes me, then that just fuels my negative self-talk ten fold. I have no idea how to combat that or how to stop that. That is what usually triggers my binges. The self-negativity makes me feel so bad that the only way I know to make myself temporarily feel better is to eat all of that negativity. Unfortunately we all know what happens when we are done eating and the good feeling is gone. Then the bad feelings and negative self-talk starts again to giving in to the binge and then the cycle starts all over again. the most frustrating part of it is being smart enough to know what is going on, but not smart enough to be able to stop it.

But anyway, I digress. I will try to talk about things that are more lighthearted and not so dark all the time. I am essentially starting over where I was about a month ago. I do have 2-3 pounds gone that haven't come back despite the binge of last week. So that is definitely a plus. Hopefully I can get it back together and have a loss this week. I am definitely going to try to put some exercise in everyday for the streak challenge. I also really need to do my school work I've been procrastinating on. I believe this will help me a lot too. As part of what I am getting so down on myself about is the school work. I've got to get this done. As a matter of fact, I think I will go try to do it now. :)