Discouraged . . . Tired . . . Mental Rollercoaster

So me...on many days!

Well, it stopped raining this morning, so I went to my weigh in at the weight loss clinic. This is my last one per the Groupon. Well, according to their scale, I maintained. It's my own fault that I don't have bigger losses. I know that. My mind/emotions are all over the place. One day I'm doing great, and I'm feeling good. Then the next day I eat things I'm not supposed to and I don't exercise, and I'm ready to throw in the towel. I just don't have the willpower to do this on my own. I've tried and failed too many times to count. I just don't have it in me. I am unhappy either way I go. If I just give up then I am unhappy because I am overweight and not doing anything about it, clothes don't fit, won't enjoy the beach, etc. However, I have small times of happiness brought on by the foods that I eat. If I am trying to diet and exercise I am also unhappy. I hate eating "diet food". I pretend like it's good, but secretly I just want to spit it out. I hate exercising and being hot. I always slip up on eating and exercising (especially drinking water) and then I beat myself up about it and end up not losing weight anyway. So I stay stuck in the same place. I get all geared up like I'm really gonna do it this time, I do well for a couple weeks, and that's it. I am just not the kind of person who can do this sort of thing on my own. I wish I had more support and willpower. Like I need a live-in diet and exercise buddy. I need someone who is not going to eat fried chicken in front of me when I need to be eating grilled chicken and a salad. I need someone who will exercise with me instead of taking a nap while I need to be working out. I also have no space for exercise in our apartment. It is too small and the kids just have to be wherever I am. Don't get me wrong, I love them to death, but sometimes I wish I had some time/space to myself other than just the bathroom (if I lock to door).  The B12 vitamins gave me so much more energy, but I guess that my body has adjusted because now I'm right back to being super tired again. I just feel like giving up. Like, what's the point? It is just too hard for me to try to commit and really do something about my weight when I am the only one in my family that is doing it. My kids would just do what I'm doing, so they are really not my problem most of the time. Though they really do kill me with wanting sweets all the time, cuz I'm all like, "Yeah, I want ice cream too!" LOL Their father, my fiance', is really the one that bothers me. I mean, it's his body and his life, and if he doesn't want to diet and exercise, it's his decision. But at the same time it's really hard for me to be motivated to work out when he isn't doing it with me. I'm all by myself. And eating healthy is super hard when he is still eating pizza, and white bread and fast food. I mean, I know the incentive of being healthy and losing weight and looking great should be enough for me, but it isn't. I need a partner to keep me motivated and keep me going. Like I said, I'm just not strong enough alone. I know I joined BuddySlim for the support, but (and no offense to any other BuddySlimmers) it is just not enough for me. I am going to put in writing some things I've known, but didn't want to say/write out loud. Here it goes: I am lazy. I know it. I need a babysitter for dieting and exercising. Okay. I said it. I admit it. "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars should be my theme song. Good day.